My husband (81) and I (78) have been fortunate in terms of our health. This gives us the freedom to think about what aging really means to us. It's not so much about appearance or energy level as it is about approaching mortality. The older you get, the more the end of life becomes real. So "the work" involves understanding that life and death are part of a whole and constitute the human condition. It's not bad, as such, it just is. For everyone.
My mother and father are 81/82. My mother still does yoga and works with my father in the fam business. They don't seem old to me- still spry and doers of things. It seems my family, for the most part, lives into the 90's. I feel "old" because my body is visually changing so i'm still on that ride fighting like hell to stave off that elder look due to collagen loss; a dead giveaway of an older woman..the shift is happening. Age-wise, it's scary. 50 wasn't so bad but as 60 approaches in a few years its feels funny, almost unbelievable. Never thought about it and now it's coming! I often wonder about me turning 80+..i'm not ready, mostly because it is on the back end of life, I think... Happy birthday!
I am old. That is very clear to me. I am in my 78th years. My entire body, from head to toe, looks vastly different than 10 years ago despite my going to the gym 5-6 days a week. But fortunately it appears that my brain has not aged like my body has. I have built up a part-time executive coaching business that is both gratifying and remunerative. And with the help of Diamond-Michael Scott I have become a prolific writer of book reviews (largely Black History books), articles and essays. Yes, I am old. But for me that doesn’t mean I am being turned out to pasture. It means only that I look at life through a different lens.
I wish we spent more time debating on what might be considered young instead of who is old... we don't have the much time left to debate the matter... now, what else can we talk about? Good read.
I don’t 😂 a neck injury from yoga landed me flat on my back in bed for 2 months with electric shocks and convulsions!! I’m hyper mobile and I over mobilized and everything blew up 😂🙏❤️Congratulations for still doing it but please be careful, I wouldn’t I wish that pain on my worst enemy!
Most people are ok! I’m just too stretchy for yoga. I can go too far and the teachers always said wow how amazing. And then it wasn’t quite so amazing! I do pilates now.
I turned 64 in April. But I feel like I’m the 25 year old I WANTED to be when I was 25. Even though my body tries to say something to the contrary, I exercise daily, run and ride my bike regularly, eat better, read and write more, barely watch TV, and have my depression under control. That’s what I wanted 40 years ago. I finally got that birthday wish! I fully intend to die in the saddle, just like Jason Robards in “Once Upon a Time in the West.” I couldn’t say that when I was 25.
I feel just like you, Arnie, apart from an injury that now prevents me from riding my horses. But since I got my depression under control, and a way to deal with various autoimmune issues, I feel far more confident and free than I did in my twenties! I’m 62. Great post, yikes I can’t remember your name… and if I close and go back to check I’ll probably lose this, right?! But happy happy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!❤️🎉💕
Happy Birthday, Don. I'm not sixty yet, and I am proudly old. I almost got in a fistfight with a man in Atlanta who called me "young lady" (I was about 54). I tell such people to, um, get stuffed. I'm an elder, and, hey all those white people who wank on about their alleged respect for Native cultures, about which they know nothing? Great: American Indian cultures respect elders, so get cracking. Much of the rude, passive-aggressive ageist crap comes from people in their 40s. and up (mostly up) because they're trying to disassociate from the rest of us. Tough. I'm a person, and I'm old, and (oh, even better!) I'm a woman, so bite me. 😂
I’m 62 and my husband is turning 60 in August. Whenever I say I feel old, he says, nope. You’re not. You’re only as old as you feel. So then I just look at him like, “like I said…!” I miss being in my late 40s-early 50s. I had so much energy and I wasn’t ashamed of my skin on my upper arms! 😂 With all that’s happened in my life, I’m just glad to be alive. Happy birthday, Don! Thanks for another great piece!
I quite like examining my creepy skin on my arms! Maybe it’s weird but I find it interesting 😂 I get it though, I used to be proud of my toned arms. Now I’m just intrigued 😂
Thinking about 'what is old' is such an interesting one; we are all ageing from the day we are born, yet being 'old' is a bit of a moveable feast it seems. I'm 59 and I know how 'old' people my age seemed to me when I was in my 20s and 30s, so I guess to the next generation, I'm old. But to some of those older than me, who find out that I'm just about to enter my 60s, they are wistful. 'Your sixties! Oh they were great, I'd love to be 60 again!' So I guess it depends where you are and, as you say, rooting out that inner ageist! Thanks for your work Don, I love reading your essay. Jody
My late poetry friend L.D. Brodsky (who died at 73!) alluded to being in "late middle age" on one of his final birthdays. Of course, the Beatles' marker for old age is 64....
I know what's wrong with being dishonest, greedy,, selfish, fascist, misogynist, racist, and power-crazy, I do not know what is wrong with being old. Fear of death -- a natural part of the life cycle --- seems to be what underpins our agist Western society.
I really enjoyed reading this, Don. Very insightful.
I'm 61 and when I turned 60 last year I started wondering what old is. Can I still be classed as midlife at 60? I even wrote a post myself: Am I Midlife, Later Life Or Just A Hag Now?
I still haven't found any answers to my question but reading this helped. Thankyou.
😊 I think you can classify your age any way you like. Feel like midlife at 60? Okay, then. When I was in my 30’s and looked back on my childhood, it seemed like I was already “old”. Not ancient, but I took things pretty seriously. I read a lot. I certainly wouldn’t say I was sophisticated, I didn’t have the social environment for that. But I didn’t have a lot of patience for the baby-ish games my best friend and my younger sister would play. I’m 64 now. I feel my age. I guess I do classify it as old … long Covid put me there because the fatigue is mentally and physically aging. But I’m not putting myself in the elderly category yet.
Such an interesting question, and so subjective. A few years ago I mentioned to my doctor my older brother was turning 80 and I was concerned about his health. He considered and said, If you told me at 70 he was going to hike the Pacific Coast trail, I’d think, okay. Eighty is the next decade. So, for him it starts at 80. So much depends on health, physical and mental. I think Mark Twain said it best, “If I knew I would live this long I’d have taken better care of my body.”
Exactly what you said: Who cares what they think? It’s interesting to me to see how my husband age 73 thinks about aging as opposed to me, female at age 64. I was a nurse for 10 years as a second career before I retired, specializing in oncology and hospice, so my attitudes towards aging, disease, death and dying are perhaps beyond normal. I’ve lived with a chronic illness for 40 years that would almost knock me flat for a few days… but it was easier to push through it when I was 30 and 40 with a lot more energy and stubbornness. Now I just do the smart thing and listen to my body, cancel everything, and gather my dogs, some tea, and a good book. I don’t know that it’s made me feel “old “ … it’s just the way it is and doctors don’t have clues. My husband, on the other hand, has led a ridiculously healthy life up until age 70, when he was hit with an autoimmune disease caused by a rare (curable) cancer. It put his year into a tailspin, but the autoimmune disease carries on, of course, and has really made him feel “old”. He’s not accepted it yet.
My husband (81) and I (78) have been fortunate in terms of our health. This gives us the freedom to think about what aging really means to us. It's not so much about appearance or energy level as it is about approaching mortality. The older you get, the more the end of life becomes real. So "the work" involves understanding that life and death are part of a whole and constitute the human condition. It's not bad, as such, it just is. For everyone.
Wise words. Thanks, Susie.
Happy day, young man!
My mother and father are 81/82. My mother still does yoga and works with my father in the fam business. They don't seem old to me- still spry and doers of things. It seems my family, for the most part, lives into the 90's. I feel "old" because my body is visually changing so i'm still on that ride fighting like hell to stave off that elder look due to collagen loss; a dead giveaway of an older woman..the shift is happening. Age-wise, it's scary. 50 wasn't so bad but as 60 approaches in a few years its feels funny, almost unbelievable. Never thought about it and now it's coming! I often wonder about me turning 80+..i'm not ready, mostly because it is on the back end of life, I think... Happy birthday!
Michelle, I trust you will be ready by the time you get there. In the meantime, your art still retains its youthful glow.
I am old. That is very clear to me. I am in my 78th years. My entire body, from head to toe, looks vastly different than 10 years ago despite my going to the gym 5-6 days a week. But fortunately it appears that my brain has not aged like my body has. I have built up a part-time executive coaching business that is both gratifying and remunerative. And with the help of Diamond-Michael Scott I have become a prolific writer of book reviews (largely Black History books), articles and essays. Yes, I am old. But for me that doesn’t mean I am being turned out to pasture. It means only that I look at life through a different lens.
I wish we spent more time debating on what might be considered young instead of who is old... we don't have the much time left to debate the matter... now, what else can we talk about? Good read.
Thanks, Patti.
I am 82 and stand on my head. Come have a look at the two minute video atThe granny who Stands on her Head @arichardson
That's no small feat!
I don’t 😂 a neck injury from yoga landed me flat on my back in bed for 2 months with electric shocks and convulsions!! I’m hyper mobile and I over mobilized and everything blew up 😂🙏❤️Congratulations for still doing it but please be careful, I wouldn’t I wish that pain on my worst enemy!
Oh dear, I’ve heard of such terrible things but I have been doing it under careful supervision for 30 years so I think I am ok.
Most people are ok! I’m just too stretchy for yoga. I can go too far and the teachers always said wow how amazing. And then it wasn’t quite so amazing! I do pilates now.
I turned 64 in April. But I feel like I’m the 25 year old I WANTED to be when I was 25. Even though my body tries to say something to the contrary, I exercise daily, run and ride my bike regularly, eat better, read and write more, barely watch TV, and have my depression under control. That’s what I wanted 40 years ago. I finally got that birthday wish! I fully intend to die in the saddle, just like Jason Robards in “Once Upon a Time in the West.” I couldn’t say that when I was 25.
I feel just like you, Arnie, apart from an injury that now prevents me from riding my horses. But since I got my depression under control, and a way to deal with various autoimmune issues, I feel far more confident and free than I did in my twenties! I’m 62. Great post, yikes I can’t remember your name… and if I close and go back to check I’ll probably lose this, right?! But happy happy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!❤️🎉💕
That's fantastic, Arnie. Congratulations!
When my sister was little, she asked my 72-year-old grandmother if all old people were as ugly as she was. Said my grandma, "All the ones I know are."
Not the ones I know!
Happy Birthday, Don. I'm not sixty yet, and I am proudly old. I almost got in a fistfight with a man in Atlanta who called me "young lady" (I was about 54). I tell such people to, um, get stuffed. I'm an elder, and, hey all those white people who wank on about their alleged respect for Native cultures, about which they know nothing? Great: American Indian cultures respect elders, so get cracking. Much of the rude, passive-aggressive ageist crap comes from people in their 40s. and up (mostly up) because they're trying to disassociate from the rest of us. Tough. I'm a person, and I'm old, and (oh, even better!) I'm a woman, so bite me. 😂
I’m 62 and my husband is turning 60 in August. Whenever I say I feel old, he says, nope. You’re not. You’re only as old as you feel. So then I just look at him like, “like I said…!” I miss being in my late 40s-early 50s. I had so much energy and I wasn’t ashamed of my skin on my upper arms! 😂 With all that’s happened in my life, I’m just glad to be alive. Happy birthday, Don! Thanks for another great piece!
I quite like examining my creepy skin on my arms! Maybe it’s weird but I find it interesting 😂 I get it though, I used to be proud of my toned arms. Now I’m just intrigued 😂
I hear you too!!
I hear you!! 😂
Thinking about 'what is old' is such an interesting one; we are all ageing from the day we are born, yet being 'old' is a bit of a moveable feast it seems. I'm 59 and I know how 'old' people my age seemed to me when I was in my 20s and 30s, so I guess to the next generation, I'm old. But to some of those older than me, who find out that I'm just about to enter my 60s, they are wistful. 'Your sixties! Oh they were great, I'd love to be 60 again!' So I guess it depends where you are and, as you say, rooting out that inner ageist! Thanks for your work Don, I love reading your essay. Jody
Thank you, Jody. It's all about perspective, right?
My late poetry friend L.D. Brodsky (who died at 73!) alluded to being in "late middle age" on one of his final birthdays. Of course, the Beatles' marker for old age is 64....
I know what's wrong with being dishonest, greedy,, selfish, fascist, misogynist, racist, and power-crazy, I do not know what is wrong with being old. Fear of death -- a natural part of the life cycle --- seems to be what underpins our agist Western society.
Fear - and also avoidance. Thanks for your comment.
I really enjoyed reading this, Don. Very insightful.
I'm 61 and when I turned 60 last year I started wondering what old is. Can I still be classed as midlife at 60? I even wrote a post myself: Am I Midlife, Later Life Or Just A Hag Now?
I still haven't found any answers to my question but reading this helped. Thankyou.
So glad it helped!
😊 I think you can classify your age any way you like. Feel like midlife at 60? Okay, then. When I was in my 30’s and looked back on my childhood, it seemed like I was already “old”. Not ancient, but I took things pretty seriously. I read a lot. I certainly wouldn’t say I was sophisticated, I didn’t have the social environment for that. But I didn’t have a lot of patience for the baby-ish games my best friend and my younger sister would play. I’m 64 now. I feel my age. I guess I do classify it as old … long Covid put me there because the fatigue is mentally and physically aging. But I’m not putting myself in the elderly category yet.
Such an interesting question, and so subjective. A few years ago I mentioned to my doctor my older brother was turning 80 and I was concerned about his health. He considered and said, If you told me at 70 he was going to hike the Pacific Coast trail, I’d think, okay. Eighty is the next decade. So, for him it starts at 80. So much depends on health, physical and mental. I think Mark Twain said it best, “If I knew I would live this long I’d have taken better care of my body.”
Thanks, Jeanine, and bonus points for a Mark Twain quote (my favorite writer).
Exactly what you said: Who cares what they think? It’s interesting to me to see how my husband age 73 thinks about aging as opposed to me, female at age 64. I was a nurse for 10 years as a second career before I retired, specializing in oncology and hospice, so my attitudes towards aging, disease, death and dying are perhaps beyond normal. I’ve lived with a chronic illness for 40 years that would almost knock me flat for a few days… but it was easier to push through it when I was 30 and 40 with a lot more energy and stubbornness. Now I just do the smart thing and listen to my body, cancel everything, and gather my dogs, some tea, and a good book. I don’t know that it’s made me feel “old “ … it’s just the way it is and doctors don’t have clues. My husband, on the other hand, has led a ridiculously healthy life up until age 70, when he was hit with an autoimmune disease caused by a rare (curable) cancer. It put his year into a tailspin, but the autoimmune disease carries on, of course, and has really made him feel “old”. He’s not accepted it yet.
Thanks for sharing that, Paula. I think acceptance is the final stage, in retirement as in mourning.