This topic contains a gold mine of future posts. It's the nature of the beast that the relationship between the generations requires constant re-calibrating. I think it used to be easier when the older folks were deferred to by convention. But now there is an equal playing field and every game is different.
This transition can be tricky until parents realize that, now they no longer hold responsibility for their children's actions, they are free to restructure the next phase of their lives.
Thank you, Don, for tackling this deep and important subject. Reading it reminds me of another source of complexity: Money. There's a perception (which may be well founded) that our children's generation has a harder time accumulating savings than we did. This can lead to a zero sum game where adult children expect help that parents cannot afford to provide. I agree with other commenters that there is much to be written on this topic - great start!
I know people who face these problems, but our children and grandchildren haven't shown these attitudes or behaviors. But maybe they talk to each other about us. Calls, texts, and WhatsApp video keep us in touch. Like every grandparent, we need them to get the TV remote to work.
Excellent article; thank you. I often feel as though I am one of the lucky ones… my adult daughters seem to love me and want to at least text me often … even though they know I can be a know-it-all b&tch at times. My heart goes out to parents who are ghosted or disrespected.
Currently sitting in an airport at the end of a trip that included our middle kid’s destination wedding. I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Excellent, life-changing article!
Great stuff and meaty. You might enjoy a book i just read by uk psychologist Terri Apter on Grandparenting. She explores a lot of these grey zones.
I was recently surprised by a friend insisting her adult kids not move to the UK. And freely saying so and pressuring against any move. It was shocking to see a good parent so carelessly putting their interests first.
Good first step, Don. You could write about this topic a 1,000 times, and I hope you will!
That's encouraging to hear, Wayne.
This topic contains a gold mine of future posts. It's the nature of the beast that the relationship between the generations requires constant re-calibrating. I think it used to be easier when the older folks were deferred to by convention. But now there is an equal playing field and every game is different.
Susie, since you are the second person to suggest mining the topic, I will look deeper for possibilities.
This transition can be tricky until parents realize that, now they no longer hold responsibility for their children's actions, they are free to restructure the next phase of their lives.
Love this Don, so many gems. Someone once said to me, "guide don't steer" which is similar to your "no unsolicited advice" rule
Rashmin, thank you! I loved our conversation yesterday and I look forward to our eventual rendezvous in New Orleans.
Thank you, Don, for tackling this deep and important subject. Reading it reminds me of another source of complexity: Money. There's a perception (which may be well founded) that our children's generation has a harder time accumulating savings than we did. This can lead to a zero sum game where adult children expect help that parents cannot afford to provide. I agree with other commenters that there is much to be written on this topic - great start!
Thank you, Stella, for all your encouragement!
I know people who face these problems, but our children and grandchildren haven't shown these attitudes or behaviors. But maybe they talk to each other about us. Calls, texts, and WhatsApp video keep us in touch. Like every grandparent, we need them to get the TV remote to work.
I am particularly hopeless with any entertainment system that has two or more remotes.
Excellent article. Thank you.
Excellent article; thank you. I often feel as though I am one of the lucky ones… my adult daughters seem to love me and want to at least text me often … even though they know I can be a know-it-all b&tch at times. My heart goes out to parents who are ghosted or disrespected.
Amy, you are blessed, but I doubt it was luck as much as being the best mother a child could hope to have.
OMG, Don… you just made me cry! 🥰
Currently sitting in an airport at the end of a trip that included our middle kid’s destination wedding. I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this today. Excellent, life-changing article!
Thank you, Lori! How wonderful to hear it hit the spot.
Great stuff and meaty. You might enjoy a book i just read by uk psychologist Terri Apter on Grandparenting. She explores a lot of these grey zones.
I was recently surprised by a friend insisting her adult kids not move to the UK. And freely saying so and pressuring against any move. It was shocking to see a good parent so carelessly putting their interests first.
Thanks for the suggestion, Aviva. I will check it out. I found great wisdom in your recent post about learning to transition through retirement.
thanks Don!
Thank you, this is such an important topic. Really got a lot from the advice. And I agree with others, please keep writing about this.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I'm glad it was helpful.
Good and relevant information. I always discover new ideas when reading your stories Don. Thank you!
Thank you, Karen. I appreciate your kind words.
I’d elope, not bother with all that fuss.
Great post..could relate to much of this!