Following your Dad's and our mother's and grandmother's plan, I have already done the paperwork to donate to science. I actually like that they fly unclaimed ashes out over the Gulf of Mexico monthly and drop them.
Good for you, Don and Mrs. Don! Americans are really far too squeamish about death, like how they get freaked about where ashes are deposited when they're... ashes. I'm asking to be sprinkled on the Dundee Law, a large lava hill in my Scottish home city, and it's absolutely legal. Green burials are great, but I'm determined to fertilize the green, green grass of home. Oh, and I love that you talk about death. So tired of people passing to the great beyond, dogs "crossing the rainbow bridge" etc. I've twice looked premature death in the eye and told it to bugger off. But it's part of life, not some unfortunate and embarrassing event.
I an the heir to plainspoken old Brits..😂 Btw, have you ever read Jessica Mitford’s American Way if Death? I really wish she were still around to update it again….
I'm sorry it seems that cremation has its ecological downside. I would much prefer vanishing into one of the Minnesota lakes than any form of burial. Thanks for all the info.
I’ve read about the green burials….need to research a bit more but cremation seems like a good alternative too…especially for us childless cat ( or dog) people. My dad, still living, has arranged his cremation and transport from Florida to MA for burial beside my mom at the National Cemetery in MA. Every time I go to Florida to visit he reviews where things are. With his consent I have labeled various boxes….
Additionally, in our neck of the woods we have had a few ‘death cafes’ where folks, in small groups are able to just talk about death as they wish. These are not family groups. Some talk about preparations for families, fears, practical disposition of ‘ stuff’ and anything else they wish. We have cookies or cake too. I have found them helpful and enlightening.
Thanks for the info and the inspiration. I had planned on cremation until I learned from you last month about the green burial option. It turns out that my son knew the place, since he and his buddies go birding there. That, plus your point about cremation not being as environmentally sound as I'd thought, have sold me. As for talking about death, my mom was a gerontological social worker, so death was a common dinner table topic, and I'm grateful for it. As I've said here before, she drilled into us what she did and didn't want, and it did indeed make hers much easier for us.
Good for you & your family! I pre-paid and pre-planned my funeral & burial because us solo agers have no one else to rely on. Not having heirs makes some things both easier and more difficult, so thinking pro-actively is essential. Take care of business, then go out to play with greater peace of mind!
Thank you for this reminder. We've chosen cremation, although my nephew chose a green burial. He lies in a beautiful parklike setting with lots of trees. I hope no one will ever decide that lovely place would make a gonzo condo development. That's why I wanted to be thrown to the winds from one of my favorite mountaintops. It seems I was in the way a lot during life; I didn't want to continue that for eternity. Meanwhile, crematoria must have scrubbers on their facilities because I don't know where all that pollution went with so many people choosing that type of deposition. I do understand your aversion to it, though. Via con Dios no matter how you go.
On a hike during COVID, my husband and I came upon a defunct green cemetery. It was a little creepy, honestly, overgrown with weeds and unfinished rock assemblages.
Yesterday, we signed our living trust and will. What an ordeal! We don't even have children. But it will mean our beneficiaries avoid probate and the "surviving Settlor" might enjoy tax advantages upon the sale of our house.
I hadn't checked the "donation" option...."who wants bodies as old as ours will be (hopefully)?," I asked. "Oh, researchers want them," the attorney said. So we checked that option.
My mother and I use to make regular visits to the family at Calvary Cemetery in Memphis. I always enjoyed those visits, and not only because we'd always visit a great Tops BBQ after. It was like old home week. All our Italian friends and extended family. Beautiful stones and statuary.
But we are alone in Northern California, family wise.
My mother purchased a four-grave plot. One for she and daddy, and two for whatever children might need a "final resting place," as you say. My oldest sister, never married, sternly guarded her spot. Momma thought the other would be for me. She was 44 when she had me and who knew my fate, marriage wise. So okay, that's my spot.
Then my other sister divorced and she loved the cemetery.....the fight was on! :-). Nah, I said she could have it. I don't care what happens to me when I"m dead. Then the oldest sister passed in January and, in an abrupt turnabout, chose cremation. She has a nice slot in a mausoleum.
If we decide against donation, my husband kindly says he'll take a shovel and inter me in that defunct green burial spot. Works for me!
Excellent advice! We did this several years ago. I considered cremation but my other half said, “um…Amy…Jews and crematoriums?!?” So yeah. We have a small Jewish cemetery here so we bought plots and found a local funeral home that does Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist burials! Plain wood casket; no embalming; even a shroud. I was impressed. And yes, our daughters thought we were morbid and rolled their eyes. But my kids and yours are gonna thank us! Love ya, Don!
Following your Dad's and our mother's and grandmother's plan, I have already done the paperwork to donate to science. I actually like that they fly unclaimed ashes out over the Gulf of Mexico monthly and drop them.
I didn't know about that. Thanks!
Good for you, Don and Mrs. Don! Americans are really far too squeamish about death, like how they get freaked about where ashes are deposited when they're... ashes. I'm asking to be sprinkled on the Dundee Law, a large lava hill in my Scottish home city, and it's absolutely legal. Green burials are great, but I'm determined to fertilize the green, green grass of home. Oh, and I love that you talk about death. So tired of people passing to the great beyond, dogs "crossing the rainbow bridge" etc. I've twice looked premature death in the eye and told it to bugger off. But it's part of life, not some unfortunate and embarrassing event.
I appreciate your support for slashing through the euphemisms.
I an the heir to plainspoken old Brits..😂 Btw, have you ever read Jessica Mitford’s American Way if Death? I really wish she were still around to update it again….
We studied that book in journalism school as a case study in how to rake muck.
Loved that book as a kid! She inspired me to be a writer. Still want to write an expose - maybe the diet industry...
Sounds good to me, Stella! There’s no shortage of grifters awaiting exposure!
I'm sorry it seems that cremation has its ecological downside. I would much prefer vanishing into one of the Minnesota lakes than any form of burial. Thanks for all the info.
Susie, there's always burial at sea.
I’ve read about the green burials….need to research a bit more but cremation seems like a good alternative too…especially for us childless cat ( or dog) people. My dad, still living, has arranged his cremation and transport from Florida to MA for burial beside my mom at the National Cemetery in MA. Every time I go to Florida to visit he reviews where things are. With his consent I have labeled various boxes….
Additionally, in our neck of the woods we have had a few ‘death cafes’ where folks, in small groups are able to just talk about death as they wish. These are not family groups. Some talk about preparations for families, fears, practical disposition of ‘ stuff’ and anything else they wish. We have cookies or cake too. I have found them helpful and enlightening.
Keep up the good writing….
Thank you, Kathy. Death cafes are also a good idea for getting over the big taboo topic.
Thanks for the info and the inspiration. I had planned on cremation until I learned from you last month about the green burial option. It turns out that my son knew the place, since he and his buddies go birding there. That, plus your point about cremation not being as environmentally sound as I'd thought, have sold me. As for talking about death, my mom was a gerontological social worker, so death was a common dinner table topic, and I'm grateful for it. As I've said here before, she drilled into us what she did and didn't want, and it did indeed make hers much easier for us.
Good for you & your family! I pre-paid and pre-planned my funeral & burial because us solo agers have no one else to rely on. Not having heirs makes some things both easier and more difficult, so thinking pro-actively is essential. Take care of business, then go out to play with greater peace of mind!
Thank you for this reminder. We've chosen cremation, although my nephew chose a green burial. He lies in a beautiful parklike setting with lots of trees. I hope no one will ever decide that lovely place would make a gonzo condo development. That's why I wanted to be thrown to the winds from one of my favorite mountaintops. It seems I was in the way a lot during life; I didn't want to continue that for eternity. Meanwhile, crematoria must have scrubbers on their facilities because I don't know where all that pollution went with so many people choosing that type of deposition. I do understand your aversion to it, though. Via con Dios no matter how you go.
Thanks for this contribution to the dialogue, Sue.
Nice! I've long been interested in green burials.
On a hike during COVID, my husband and I came upon a defunct green cemetery. It was a little creepy, honestly, overgrown with weeds and unfinished rock assemblages.
Yesterday, we signed our living trust and will. What an ordeal! We don't even have children. But it will mean our beneficiaries avoid probate and the "surviving Settlor" might enjoy tax advantages upon the sale of our house.
I hadn't checked the "donation" option...."who wants bodies as old as ours will be (hopefully)?," I asked. "Oh, researchers want them," the attorney said. So we checked that option.
My mother and I use to make regular visits to the family at Calvary Cemetery in Memphis. I always enjoyed those visits, and not only because we'd always visit a great Tops BBQ after. It was like old home week. All our Italian friends and extended family. Beautiful stones and statuary.
But we are alone in Northern California, family wise.
My mother purchased a four-grave plot. One for she and daddy, and two for whatever children might need a "final resting place," as you say. My oldest sister, never married, sternly guarded her spot. Momma thought the other would be for me. She was 44 when she had me and who knew my fate, marriage wise. So okay, that's my spot.
Then my other sister divorced and she loved the cemetery.....the fight was on! :-). Nah, I said she could have it. I don't care what happens to me when I"m dead. Then the oldest sister passed in January and, in an abrupt turnabout, chose cremation. She has a nice slot in a mausoleum.
If we decide against donation, my husband kindly says he'll take a shovel and inter me in that defunct green burial spot. Works for me!
Thanks, Don.
g
Excellent advice! We did this several years ago. I considered cremation but my other half said, “um…Amy…Jews and crematoriums?!?” So yeah. We have a small Jewish cemetery here so we bought plots and found a local funeral home that does Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist burials! Plain wood casket; no embalming; even a shroud. I was impressed. And yes, our daughters thought we were morbid and rolled their eyes. But my kids and yours are gonna thank us! Love ya, Don!
Thanks, Amy! Let them roll their eyes. Let's see how they feel further down the road.
Thanks for laying all this out so clearly! I may relocate soon, and will look into natural burial in the new location. We do have it here in NC...
https://www.bluestemcemetery.org
Where are you looking to relocate?
I have never heard of the option you decided on. My parents made all arrangements in advance. We were very appreciative.
Maybe it's just a U.S. thing, I don't know.