My daughter-in-law whose father died about seven years ago, followed quite recently by her step-father, asked us to put all our paperwork together so that she and my son wouldn't be at sea. It was a project that my husband and I found strangely satisfying....what used to be called "getting your affairs in order." It's kind of like doing the research and making the decisions about where you want to go to college, only sixty years later. Age appropriate.
I encourage people to find (or start) a Death Cafe in their area. I've attended them in three different locations (at the Ethical Culture Society, the NY Public Library, and a Meet-Up). Conversation is easy and useful. We're all aboard the vessel whose mission is to go where all persons have gone before.
Excellent essay. Two years ago César and I had this discussion. I had always thought we’d be cremated but he said “Hell No! Jews aren’t supposed to be burned!” I had no idea he felt that way. So we bought plots in the Jewish cemetery, and even pre-paid for our funerals. I have everything all written down for our daughters. Doing all of this actually made me feel good. Keep writing, Don!
I'm working on this journey. So many people are in denial and refuse to accept the ultimate future. I don't understand that. I just updated my papers and am leaving instructions but want to be as explicit and updated as possible for my survivors. What scares me is that my husband is going to leave me adrift. He doesn't want to deal with the details I need.
I do get why people balk - death is a scary prospect, and one most people would rather not face. About 4 years ago I was hired by Julie, to record her dad's memoirs and the process actually gave him a euphoric final year. The difference was incredible. It was a beautiful gift from his daughter and one that made a real difference. Worth a try.
My family has an alarming and (kind of) cute tradition, (if they have time) of writing their funeral masses, and giving graveside instructions. My grandmother wanted a bale of hay on top of her coffin, before the soil, because she hated hearing the smack of the sod on a coffin.
I said 'You're going to be dead, Grandma'.
She said. 'Thats not the point'.
My mother even wrote her own eulogy! I am still quite young/mature and in 'rude health' but I have already left instructions.
As my old friend (who died at 102 )said 'We ain't getting off this boat alive'.
My daughter-in-law whose father died about seven years ago, followed quite recently by her step-father, asked us to put all our paperwork together so that she and my son wouldn't be at sea. It was a project that my husband and I found strangely satisfying....what used to be called "getting your affairs in order." It's kind of like doing the research and making the decisions about where you want to go to college, only sixty years later. Age appropriate.
I encourage people to find (or start) a Death Cafe in their area. I've attended them in three different locations (at the Ethical Culture Society, the NY Public Library, and a Meet-Up). Conversation is easy and useful. We're all aboard the vessel whose mission is to go where all persons have gone before.
Excellent essay. Two years ago César and I had this discussion. I had always thought we’d be cremated but he said “Hell No! Jews aren’t supposed to be burned!” I had no idea he felt that way. So we bought plots in the Jewish cemetery, and even pre-paid for our funerals. I have everything all written down for our daughters. Doing all of this actually made me feel good. Keep writing, Don!
Great article. I’ve attended a death cafe as well…we had cookies however. Great conversations. We need more of them.
A friend forwarded this article from the WaPo about where do aging seniors live….
Another good topic for discussion
The link to the original story is here in case the one above does not work for you: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/interactive/2023/where-do-americans-live-after-85-look-inside-homes-11-seniors/
I'm working on this journey. So many people are in denial and refuse to accept the ultimate future. I don't understand that. I just updated my papers and am leaving instructions but want to be as explicit and updated as possible for my survivors. What scares me is that my husband is going to leave me adrift. He doesn't want to deal with the details I need.
This is excellent information! I’ve already contacted the person who runs the café in Baltimore. Looking forward to learning! Thank you so much!!
Don, your essays are great, including this one. Hope you're planning to collect them into a book. I'd buy it!
I do get why people balk - death is a scary prospect, and one most people would rather not face. About 4 years ago I was hired by Julie, to record her dad's memoirs and the process actually gave him a euphoric final year. The difference was incredible. It was a beautiful gift from his daughter and one that made a real difference. Worth a try.
My family has an alarming and (kind of) cute tradition, (if they have time) of writing their funeral masses, and giving graveside instructions. My grandmother wanted a bale of hay on top of her coffin, before the soil, because she hated hearing the smack of the sod on a coffin.
I said 'You're going to be dead, Grandma'.
She said. 'Thats not the point'.
My mother even wrote her own eulogy! I am still quite young/mature and in 'rude health' but I have already left instructions.
As my old friend (who died at 102 )said 'We ain't getting off this boat alive'.
Thank you for a great article and LOVE the image!
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