Dear, dear Don. Outdoors, community, books, one foot in front of the other, and going out and finding joy in a society that seems determined to deny us all these things. Best I can offer, best life can offer.
Firstly, I am glad you are out of it-it's a terrible space to exist in. Secondly, you know you could have called me to help box up and organize your pre construction kitchen(I’m dying to see the new kitchen!) Thirdly, movement helps depression!! It’s true! I’m often feeling slumpy and depressed in the morning but after Pilates or weight training or elliptical or a fast walk while listening to a great podcast, maybe some push-ups... I’m lifted!! Exercise - get those muscles moving! and talking( if you can - it’s so important) Also, I've read that after long term use, that pharmaceuticals do more harm than good. And they stop performing. It sounds like with your meditation and with you practicing your other cognitive coping’s that you’re as “normal” as most people. I know a great chiropractor too! Keep writing!❤️🧑🎨
Michelle, thanks so much for those generous offers and good advice. You will definitely get an invite once the kitchen is complete. (We did hire a professional organizer for the pre-destruction phase.)
Thanks so much for sharing, and so eloquently. I’m glad you’ve found relief. I’ve also experienced bouts of debilitating anxiety and depression (thankfully it’s been many years) and that magical feeling when it lifts. I always think about Kierkegaard’s writing on anxiety and how it is the ultimate way the feel human. Even as I was suffering, I felt deeply in touch with something very powerful.
Evan, I appreciate this so much. I wasn't aware of Kierkegaard's commentary but I was intrigued by a biologist who said depression must be valuable, otherwise evolution would have steered it out of the human genome.
I think that’s true, and related to K’s writings on anxiety. He refers to anxiety as “the dizziness of freedom,” the realization that you control your destiny. It’s terrifying but it also opens you up to your own potential, so it makes sense that it would helpful for survival. K talks about Adam no doubt having anxiety when he realized he had the freedom to disobey God.
Thank you for sharing this courageous post. They say you have to suffer to write. You’re a remarkable writer. I suspect that’s no coincidence. Write on, Don!
For a few years, I was on Luvox for depression. It's a drug also used to treat obsessive/compulsive behavior and Torrettes. It worked very well for me, but there were also environmental and social influences that could be blamed: long winters at high elevation where three-six feet of snow are common; a hostile, cliquish social structure that left me on the perimeter of any group I joined; and a husband and daughter working and studying during the weekdays in distant locations. If it wasn't for my animals, I would have committed suicide too, despite the drugs. Once we changed our location and family dispersal, my depressive episodes halted. I've been off drugs for a couple of decades now. There is hope, but while chemistry does help, our exterior circumstances are a prime culprit. Older people are less mobile, often left alone and living in awful situations. I even dread ending up in a swanky assisted-living situation surrounded by cranky old people who are even meaner and crazier than when they were younger. Depression isn't a disease or condition. It's life.
Hope it didn't come of as a reprimand. I live in Nevada where elder suicide is very much a thing. The state has a bleak desert environment and really sketchy medical services, especially in rural communities. My town sits at the foot of the Sierra Nevada mountains and is rather beautiful, so I have no excuse but to be calm and serene. Sometimes depression is a habit, though, and one to be broken by personal work. Hang in there, my friend. (And remodeling your kitchen is a damned good reason to be depressed.)
Even without a clinical depression diagnosis, we will still occasionally experience weltschmerz, or the blues (what my friend Elaine calls 'the goops'), or those exhausted oh-what's-the-point-of-it-all!? moments. Maybe we need these cycles so we can continue to have faith in the miraculous relief--ecstasy!--of a return to our surest selves and a universe that makes sense.
Very glad to hear you're feeling better and have returned to writing to us. On Wednesday, my Substack post will go up and, I think you'll agree, it's very similar. I'm writing about how my prose is tired and needs a vacation or at least a nap. End of summer is its own atmosphere. Humid, out-of-gas, just tired of the whole thing. Here's to a renewal of spirit!
Don, so well written. I totally get it… been there, had that. Even the aching back! At least once the clouds (real and mental) parted you discovered a beautiful, modern kitchen!
Thank you, Don, for this vulnerable share. I imagine health events are another trigger for many of us olders. I’m having breast cancer surgery on Monday, and, while I’m not prone to depression, I’ll keep your encouraging words in mind just in case.
Dear, dear Don. Outdoors, community, books, one foot in front of the other, and going out and finding joy in a society that seems determined to deny us all these things. Best I can offer, best life can offer.
Thanks, Annette. All good things to keep in mind.
Firstly, I am glad you are out of it-it's a terrible space to exist in. Secondly, you know you could have called me to help box up and organize your pre construction kitchen(I’m dying to see the new kitchen!) Thirdly, movement helps depression!! It’s true! I’m often feeling slumpy and depressed in the morning but after Pilates or weight training or elliptical or a fast walk while listening to a great podcast, maybe some push-ups... I’m lifted!! Exercise - get those muscles moving! and talking( if you can - it’s so important) Also, I've read that after long term use, that pharmaceuticals do more harm than good. And they stop performing. It sounds like with your meditation and with you practicing your other cognitive coping’s that you’re as “normal” as most people. I know a great chiropractor too! Keep writing!❤️🧑🎨
Michelle, thanks so much for those generous offers and good advice. You will definitely get an invite once the kitchen is complete. (We did hire a professional organizer for the pre-destruction phase.)
Thanks so much for sharing, and so eloquently. I’m glad you’ve found relief. I’ve also experienced bouts of debilitating anxiety and depression (thankfully it’s been many years) and that magical feeling when it lifts. I always think about Kierkegaard’s writing on anxiety and how it is the ultimate way the feel human. Even as I was suffering, I felt deeply in touch with something very powerful.
Evan, I appreciate this so much. I wasn't aware of Kierkegaard's commentary but I was intrigued by a biologist who said depression must be valuable, otherwise evolution would have steered it out of the human genome.
I think that’s true, and related to K’s writings on anxiety. He refers to anxiety as “the dizziness of freedom,” the realization that you control your destiny. It’s terrifying but it also opens you up to your own potential, so it makes sense that it would helpful for survival. K talks about Adam no doubt having anxiety when he realized he had the freedom to disobey God.
Thank you for sharing this courageous post. They say you have to suffer to write. You’re a remarkable writer. I suspect that’s no coincidence. Write on, Don!
Kathleen, thanks so much for your kind words. I'm so delighted we've reconnected.
For a few years, I was on Luvox for depression. It's a drug also used to treat obsessive/compulsive behavior and Torrettes. It worked very well for me, but there were also environmental and social influences that could be blamed: long winters at high elevation where three-six feet of snow are common; a hostile, cliquish social structure that left me on the perimeter of any group I joined; and a husband and daughter working and studying during the weekdays in distant locations. If it wasn't for my animals, I would have committed suicide too, despite the drugs. Once we changed our location and family dispersal, my depressive episodes halted. I've been off drugs for a couple of decades now. There is hope, but while chemistry does help, our exterior circumstances are a prime culprit. Older people are less mobile, often left alone and living in awful situations. I even dread ending up in a swanky assisted-living situation surrounded by cranky old people who are even meaner and crazier than when they were younger. Depression isn't a disease or condition. It's life.
Sue, I appreciate you sharing your experience and observations.
Hope it didn't come of as a reprimand. I live in Nevada where elder suicide is very much a thing. The state has a bleak desert environment and really sketchy medical services, especially in rural communities. My town sits at the foot of the Sierra Nevada mountains and is rather beautiful, so I have no excuse but to be calm and serene. Sometimes depression is a habit, though, and one to be broken by personal work. Hang in there, my friend. (And remodeling your kitchen is a damned good reason to be depressed.)
Sue, it did not come off as a reprimand, but as a useful addendum. Thanks!
I’m happy you’re feeling better. I suffer with it too. I’m always thankful when it passes!
Thanks, Susan.
Thanks for this article from another positive ager feeling down from time to time.
Good to know I'm not in a club of one.
I admire your courage to put all this to paper.
It doesn't feel like courage. It feels like I'm too old to be embarrassed anymore.
Even without a clinical depression diagnosis, we will still occasionally experience weltschmerz, or the blues (what my friend Elaine calls 'the goops'), or those exhausted oh-what's-the-point-of-it-all!? moments. Maybe we need these cycles so we can continue to have faith in the miraculous relief--ecstasy!--of a return to our surest selves and a universe that makes sense.
Wendl, I never considered that, but it makes sense to me. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone in feeling these things.
Very glad to hear you're feeling better and have returned to writing to us. On Wednesday, my Substack post will go up and, I think you'll agree, it's very similar. I'm writing about how my prose is tired and needs a vacation or at least a nap. End of summer is its own atmosphere. Humid, out-of-gas, just tired of the whole thing. Here's to a renewal of spirit!
I will read it with great interest. We're due a change of season soon.
Don, so well written. I totally get it… been there, had that. Even the aching back! At least once the clouds (real and mental) parted you discovered a beautiful, modern kitchen!
Amy, not quite yet, but in 12 weeks we're hopeful.
Thank you, Don, for this vulnerable share. I imagine health events are another trigger for many of us olders. I’m having breast cancer surgery on Monday, and, while I’m not prone to depression, I’ll keep your encouraging words in mind just in case.
Stella, I wish you an easy surgery and an excellent prognosis.
I am there with you. A couple of decades myself on antidepressants and a couple of years past 65. We get through it. We will continue to move on.
Debbie, thanks for your words of encouragement. We do get through it.
Thank you for sharing this. What you lived through is so perfectly described. It helps us understand what so many live through.
Thank you, Alice. I have been transfixed by your descriptions of wartime Poland and Germany - so vivid!