This is an important discussion on a form of discrimination and stereotyping that is often outside the awareness of many people - even those who are treated disrespectfully don't always recognize it. And, sometimes people who are older will reinforce ageist messages by their own self-talk. "I'm just getting old."
I appreciated the points you included about how to respond to ageist communication. I would add that sometimes I find humor works well to. For example, if a young person calls me "sweetie," I might loudly laugh and say, "Wow, so you think I'm sweet?" Then I might intentionally use some nonverbal behaviors (including vocalics) that suggest I am surprised at the remark. I often use other strategies--many that you mentioned--but find that using some form of humor helps me connect with the person and creates a teachable moment.
As I began my group conversation LIVEstreaming career, Don Akchin was right there, taking a chance on me, and jumping in as a Guest on the VERY first maiden voyage of "Aspects of Aging."
100 unique guests later (some have asked to come back a second or third time) I will now tattle on my hubby/producer. We'd done a lot of recording of my PreAct Your Age content, interviews, and clips for posts and Aging Better Website.
With LIVE, there would be no editing, no 'do-overs.' Raw and real--3, 2, 1 and we are LIVE.
My husband made this suggestion. He said, "You might want to use an optional digital camera filter to help smooth out your wrinkles for your shows." ...oh, good grief...seriously...do you even listen to my content... I, too, trudge the deep trenches of Ageism. Looking younger is SO ingrained.
Scroll ALL the way down to the first Screenshot marking the replay August 2022 and you will see Don Akchin with other friendly guests and nervous me playing host HERE https://www.agingbetternetwork.com/live-stream-video
I caught myself about to make that remark recently when introduced to someone who told me she was 84. What does "You don't look 84 even mean?" I was pleased that I squelched that comment before I said it out loud.
Good for you, Susie! I recently did a presentation at a senior center and shared how I really dislike being asked how old I feel. I explained, "How does a number have feelings? I just feel like me, all the time!"
The response to that question changes every second like everything else. Sometimes at 77, I feel like a four-year-old. Sometimes, I feel like I'm 90. All these experiences are informative.
This is an important discussion on a form of discrimination and stereotyping that is often outside the awareness of many people - even those who are treated disrespectfully don't always recognize it. And, sometimes people who are older will reinforce ageist messages by their own self-talk. "I'm just getting old."
I appreciated the points you included about how to respond to ageist communication. I would add that sometimes I find humor works well to. For example, if a young person calls me "sweetie," I might loudly laugh and say, "Wow, so you think I'm sweet?" Then I might intentionally use some nonverbal behaviors (including vocalics) that suggest I am surprised at the remark. I often use other strategies--many that you mentioned--but find that using some form of humor helps me connect with the person and creates a teachable moment.
I'm glad to know humor can lead to teachable moments. That's encouraging.
Oh, I just might get in trouble for this one.
As I began my group conversation LIVEstreaming career, Don Akchin was right there, taking a chance on me, and jumping in as a Guest on the VERY first maiden voyage of "Aspects of Aging."
100 unique guests later (some have asked to come back a second or third time) I will now tattle on my hubby/producer. We'd done a lot of recording of my PreAct Your Age content, interviews, and clips for posts and Aging Better Website.
With LIVE, there would be no editing, no 'do-overs.' Raw and real--3, 2, 1 and we are LIVE.
My husband made this suggestion. He said, "You might want to use an optional digital camera filter to help smooth out your wrinkles for your shows." ...oh, good grief...seriously...do you even listen to my content... I, too, trudge the deep trenches of Ageism. Looking younger is SO ingrained.
Scroll ALL the way down to the first Screenshot marking the replay August 2022 and you will see Don Akchin with other friendly guests and nervous me playing host HERE https://www.agingbetternetwork.com/live-stream-video
Those are great responses. I will have to practice.
I'm sure I lean more towards Firm Rebuttal and Inner Groucho!
I've been using the "young man/young woman" stuff. I intend it to be a sweet comment. You think I'm wrong using it?
As my mother used to scold, "It's not your words, it's your tone of voice."
I LOVE this so much! Thanks for your shout out to Changing the Narrative
Good choices to help raise awareness of how we can respond. Depending on the day we might feel like being PC and other times.....
Thanks
Exactly!
Good responses, all. Ashton Applewhite also likes to respond to "You look good for your age" with a hearty, "So do YOU!"
I caught myself about to make that remark recently when introduced to someone who told me she was 84. What does "You don't look 84 even mean?" I was pleased that I squelched that comment before I said it out loud.
Good for you, Susie! I recently did a presentation at a senior center and shared how I really dislike being asked how old I feel. I explained, "How does a number have feelings? I just feel like me, all the time!"
The response to that question changes every second like everything else. Sometimes at 77, I feel like a four-year-old. Sometimes, I feel like I'm 90. All these experiences are informative.