I used to think I'd like to live in a cohousing community after retirement. But then we moved to a house with an HOA. Even that limited interconnection is a bother. The folks with the biggest control issues get into decision-making positions and lord it over the others, costing the neighborhood thousands in unnecessary legal fees. Meanwhile my friends in cohousing are full of stories about people who obstruct consensus decision making. What is the answer? Single family housing forever? How we survived dorm life back in the day is a mystery. Perhaps we had manners back then.
He's certainly been a catalyst. As the mom of a wheelchair rider with cerebral palsy, I'll never forget the time he mimicked and made fun of a journalist with palsy.
I always thought people grew up and grew out of this awful behavior, but they don’t. If anything it intensifies. Bullying should never be tolerated. And to bully elderly people is simply horrific.
Reading this piece, I immediately saw the faces of the girls in junior high school who had that role. Those people imbed themselves in memory and seem to stay forever. I was not victimized but I was and remain very aware of those kind of people.
Bullying is a huge part of a culture and economy that place a premium on winning. I joined what I thought was an innocuous special interest club made up mainly of older women (I was one of the youngest) and was astonished to find at the first meeting that it was run entirely as a fiefdom by one woman, who was no longer an officer but still called all the shots, and spoke contemptuously of the officers in their hearing. I spoke to a few of these women, and I still don't know why they tolerated it. This wasn't a job, and it was easy just not to return-- which is what I did. I'm still troubled by her behavior and the others' tolerance of it.
Sadly, my father was being hit and kicked at by a demented woman while we were visiting him. I even stood between them and she would hit me. When I reported it to a staff person, she told me they were not allowed to do anything about it and told us to take dad to another and less amenable part of the facility to visit with him. The demented woman wasn't allowed to go to that other place. So she gets the sunny room and we have to go to the darker, colder room? This was a few decades ago. I hope things have changed since then, but I doubt it.
Shortly before I retired I was working at a place that supported people with different abilities, where I had been employed for a few years. There was a bullying going on but it was towards the staff rather than towards the people we were supporting.
I made a choice to step up and confront the person who was doing most of the bullying, the ceo of the company and my immediate boss.
The situation blew up even more so because there was a lot to do with bullying and harassment in the media at the time.
I don't regret for a moment having done what I did because it was necessary.
It cost our union a lot of money and also the board that we reported directly to but it had to be looked at and finally dealt with.
We can either turn a blind eye and ignore what is going on or we can speak out. I think as time goes by more of us will start speaking up because we know it isn't right. We know we can speak up to make changes, not like the silent generation before us.
We are seeing so much bullying at all levels. Is that what we want?
I used to think I'd like to live in a cohousing community after retirement. But then we moved to a house with an HOA. Even that limited interconnection is a bother. The folks with the biggest control issues get into decision-making positions and lord it over the others, costing the neighborhood thousands in unnecessary legal fees. Meanwhile my friends in cohousing are full of stories about people who obstruct consensus decision making. What is the answer? Single family housing forever? How we survived dorm life back in the day is a mystery. Perhaps we had manners back then.
Trump Derangement Syndrome is real and infecting civic life at all levels.
He's certainly been a catalyst. As the mom of a wheelchair rider with cerebral palsy, I'll never forget the time he mimicked and made fun of a journalist with palsy.
I always thought people grew up and grew out of this awful behavior, but they don’t. If anything it intensifies. Bullying should never be tolerated. And to bully elderly people is simply horrific.
Reading this piece, I immediately saw the faces of the girls in junior high school who had that role. Those people imbed themselves in memory and seem to stay forever. I was not victimized but I was and remain very aware of those kind of people.
There was a brute that used to terrorize me in school, and I didn't rest easy until the day I read his obituary.
That's a painful story. Maybe you could write about him.
Thanks for that suggestion, Susie. I'll give that some thought.
Bullying is a huge part of a culture and economy that place a premium on winning. I joined what I thought was an innocuous special interest club made up mainly of older women (I was one of the youngest) and was astonished to find at the first meeting that it was run entirely as a fiefdom by one woman, who was no longer an officer but still called all the shots, and spoke contemptuously of the officers in their hearing. I spoke to a few of these women, and I still don't know why they tolerated it. This wasn't a job, and it was easy just not to return-- which is what I did. I'm still troubled by her behavior and the others' tolerance of it.
I've seen it in neighborhood groups as well. Some people find out early that bullying works for them, and they never unlearn it.
Which is why we need to stand up to them. It usually works.
Sadly, my father was being hit and kicked at by a demented woman while we were visiting him. I even stood between them and she would hit me. When I reported it to a staff person, she told me they were not allowed to do anything about it and told us to take dad to another and less amenable part of the facility to visit with him. The demented woman wasn't allowed to go to that other place. So she gets the sunny room and we have to go to the darker, colder room? This was a few decades ago. I hope things have changed since then, but I doubt it.
That's a sad story indeed. Thanks for sharing it.
Shortly before I retired I was working at a place that supported people with different abilities, where I had been employed for a few years. There was a bullying going on but it was towards the staff rather than towards the people we were supporting.
I made a choice to step up and confront the person who was doing most of the bullying, the ceo of the company and my immediate boss.
The situation blew up even more so because there was a lot to do with bullying and harassment in the media at the time.
I don't regret for a moment having done what I did because it was necessary.
It cost our union a lot of money and also the board that we reported directly to but it had to be looked at and finally dealt with.
We can either turn a blind eye and ignore what is going on or we can speak out. I think as time goes by more of us will start speaking up because we know it isn't right. We know we can speak up to make changes, not like the silent generation before us.
We are seeing so much bullying at all levels. Is that what we want?
Susan, thank you for sharing your experience. Standing up can be dangerous but you are right - it needs to be done.
I didn't realize that could be an issue - hmm!