When’s the Best Time to Leave Home?

Plan ahead while you have the most options.

Illustration created by ChatGPT

According to the National Council on Aging, 85% of adults ages 50 to 80 want to stay in their homes as they age (although nearly half of them will need to modify their homes to make “aging in place” possible).

I count myself in that 85%. Yet last month I put down a deposit on an apartment in a senior living facility. Because you never know.

Figuring out the right time to move – or whether to move at all – is a tough issue, fraught with variables and – as an ever-eloquent former Defense Secretary put it – “unknown unknowns.” And that’s in addition to the known unknowns.

When my wife and I acquired our co-op apartment 18 years ago, we intended for it to be our forever home. It’s all on one level. Grab bars came pre-installed in the bathtub/shower. Because we’re in a co-op, we don’t have to worry about lawn maintenance, roof repairs, or external paint. We are quite capable of walking our dirty clothes downstairs to the shared laundry room, and we have no difficulty walking up the seven brick steps from the sidewalk to our front door.

So why consider senior living now?

Hedging My Bets

To be frank, because I’m hedging my bets. Today we are both in good health. But I anticipate that by the time our names float to the top of that senior facility’s six-year waiting list – when I am 80 and she is 75 – it may well be a different story. Six years gives us time to be certain we’ve made a good decision, or to change our minds.

Most of our friends wrestle with this question of whether – or when – to move. According to industry statistics, a majority of new residents of independent living communities are in their early- to mid-70s. For assisted living, the majority enter between ages 75 and 84. But assisted living is often a forced decision – often these are people who have suffered an adverse health condition that forces them to leave their home for a facility that provides daily care.

Senior living communities (who have a vested interest) unanimously advise joining them sooner than later, while you can take full advantage of the benefits, such as built-in fitness facilities, dining options, social life, classes and lectures, transportation to events and destinations, and on-call medical staff.

Why We Wait

They have a point. The advantages are considerable (assuming you can afford them). But they have been making this pitch for years, without changing the marked tendency of older adults to resist their siren calls until much later in life. And if we think about it even briefly, we can understand the reluctance. It’s simple, really:

Because we’re not old, dammit! And we don’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of old people!

We can applaud this attitude as a positive outlook on our mental and physical states. On the other hand, we can note its blatant ageism and the internal ageism it reveals. Fearing old age, we want to deny the evidence in our joints and in our mirror. Unfortunately, maintaining this viewpoint can work against our own best interests if it causes us to delay leaving home until all our best options are off the table.

So when is the right time to move? A service that places older adults in senior facilities (and might therefore be slightly less biased than retirement communities themselves) suggests these four signs:

1. You’re having difficulty keeping up home maintenance.

2. You want a more robust social life.

3. Your home (or neighborhood) no longer feels comfortable and secure.

4. You’re ready to explore new interests.

Also, keep in mind that there are other alternatives besides senior lifestyle communities.

Remember, we will experience inevitable losses in our physical and/or mental abilities as the years roll by. Keep that in mind. And it doesn’t hurt to think ahead.