Resilience is Our Superpower

We’ve been tried, we’ve been tested, and we have triumphed.

Photo credit: bazilfoto

“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” Friedrich Nietzsche.

Aging has its trying moments, but it does come with a great consolation prize.

Just by living as long as we have, surviving all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, we qualify for a superpower not readily available to the young. It is called resilience, and it simply means the ability to bounce back – from disappointments, from hardships, from tragedy, from loss, from shattered dreams. If we’re still standing after all that life has dished out to us, we’ve earned it. We took a licking and kept on ticking. We‘ve been tried, we’ve been tested, and we have triumphed.

Resilience is also how medical science explains the “the paradox of old age,” which is that older adults, despite life’s bruises and losses, are more content with their lives than the general population. They’re also in better mental health. It’s not the same as having a positive outlook, but it’s closely tied to it. A 2020 Stanford University study associated advanced age with greater emotional well-being. A recent University of Georgia study found that people aged 71 and above were managing stress far better than younger study participants.

Been There, Done That

It’s no secret. The older we get, the more experience we have of absorbing the blows, dusting ourselves off, and adjusting to the new now. Six or seven decades of practice gives us an edge over the young.

Admittedly, some of us are more resilient than others. Some people would rather complain, see themselves as victims, or compare their latest maladies. Interestingly, the difference has nothing to do with DNA or demographics. Resilience is a true equal opportunity trait that shows up across all incomes, social classes, and ethnicities. It’s an acquired skill. That means that you can learn to strengthen your resilience, whatever your age.

Let’s look at ways to augment your reserves of resilience, so you’ll be in even better shape to withstand any bad tidings that still await for you.

Making It Stronger

For starters, check out 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, by Karl Pillemer, a Cornell University gerontologist. Pillemer interviewed thousands of older adults who survived major crises – including the 1918 Influenza Pandemic, the Great Depression, World War II, and the Holocaust – and went on to live fulfilling lives. He distills their advice, which he divides into four broad categories:

• Take the long view. Bad things happen but life goes on.

• Don’t worry, do something. Worrying about what you can’t change is pointless. Taking action puts control back in your hands.

• Be generous. Helping others reminds you that you have something to contribute.

• Enjoy small daily pleasures. Appreciating life’s simple pleasures builds positive emotions and optimism. It can also distract you from worry and sadness.

If you’re ready to take a deep dive, PositivePsychology.com offers 23 resilience-building activities and exercises for adults. Among the activities are storytelling, acts of kindness, leveraging strengths and gifts, reflections on purpose, gratitude, finding something funny, and identifying three good things that happened each day. You can also download three resilience exercises, with detailed instructions, “to apply with clients, employees or students.”

Finally, here are other tips from psychology experts on ways to build resilience:

• Always look for the “silver lining” in any situation.

• Try new activities.

• Cultivate new friendships.

• Accept what’s out of your control and act on what you can affect.

• Practice stress-management techniques.

• Develop a spiritual practice such as prayer, meditation, yoga, or journaling,

• Maintain your perspective.

• Get regular exercise, good nutrition, and the sleep you need.

• Volunteer.

• Ask for help when you need it.

Let’s take full advantage of our hard-earned superpower. Exercise and strengthen your resilience muscles for many more joyful years to come.

Share the Story of Your Retirement

If you’ve retired and had some difficulties making the adjustment to that stage of life (even if you’ve resolved them by now), I would love to talk to you about it for a research project. If you’re willing to be interviewed, please contact me at don@donakchin.com for details.