It Could Have Been a Tragedy

One elder’s long, difficult but satisfying life

Helen was born in New York City in 1930, into a family that had the money to indulge her every whim and to shelter her from life’s harsh realities. Helen also happened to have a talent for dancing, which her mother did everything in her power to facilitate. By her teens she was a successful professional, dancing in Broadway musicals (including the original stage production of The King and I with Yul Brynner) and touring the world with leading ballet companies through her mid-20s.

Then her storybook life veered off the track. She entered a marriage with a head full of romantic notions, only to have those fantasies quickly crushed. Divorced with an infant daughter, she chose single parenthood over resuming her career. A second marriage, lasting nearly 20 years, went from hopeful prospects to bitter disappointment, accompanied by debilitating bouts of depression, a hospitalization, several therapists, and finally a contentious divorce.

The Fall?

This had all the makings of a tabloid tragedy - the familiar trope is “Internationally Acclaimed Star Falls from Grace” - but Helen wouldn’t allow it. In her 50s, with her three daughters grown or in college, and living on her own - really for the first time in her life - she began a new career in retail, selling furs in a department store. It happened that she was good at it and enjoyed it. She invested her lump sum divorce settlement, which would ultimately provide her a small nest egg for retirement. She took great pride in her newfound independence and in her ability to manage for herself: To live well within limited means, to stand on her own two feet. She was able to take several trips abroad to immerse herself in Old World culture. She cultivated a broad circle of friends, most of them 20 or more years younger than herself, who accompanied her to concerts, lectures, and museum exhibits - her “milieu,” she called it. She developed her artistic skills, working in pencil, watercolor, and oils, delighting her children and grandchildren with her hand-painted greeting cards on birthdays and anniversaries. She read voraciously and continued to study subjects that captured her interest. And she found contentment.

When her eyes could no longer see to read, and her ears could no longer hear her beloved classical music with the clarity it deserved, she had no more reasons to go on. Her 94-year life ended peacefully this week. For the last 50 of those years, I knew her as my mother-in-law and my friend. Her presence was a source of delight and a positive influence on our lives in myriad ways. I am deeply grateful for her love and her example.

We should all be fortunate to be as resilient, as resourceful, as determined to continue learning, as eager to celebrate beauty and truth, as generous with our love and support, as Helen. We will miss her.