Find Your Purpose
It’s the surest cure for a late-life crisis
Photo by Daniel Gonzalez on Unsplash
The midlife crisis still gets a lot of press. When a middle-aged husband buys a flaming red convertible or runs off with his young assistant, it’s always a juicy story.
The late-life crisis, on the other hand, is not nearly as sexy but just as real. Research suggests that one of every three people over 60 will have one. And unlike its younger sibling, which seems more prevalent in men, the late-life crisis is an equal opportunity destroyer.
The triggers differ, but at their root, late-life crises are about the same thing: a feeling that the good years are behind you and life is about over but for the shouting.
Been There. Done That. Now What?
I’ve had some personal experience with this. I went through a long stretch of my 60s in a funk. I felt obsolete. My writing career was reaching a dead end, thanks to my inability to wrap my head around writing for “search engine optimization” and social media and my difficulty in reaching people who didn’t read. My wife only seemed to need me for washing dishes and picking up the cleaning, and my grown children didn’t need me at all. My body, never a dynamic and finely tuned machine, was showing signs of rust. My hands quivered, my voice would drop to a hoarse whisper without warning. I was wallowing in heaps of woe and self-pity. It was not a good look.
Happily, I got over it. What made the difference for me was a shift in perspective. With the help of wise counselors, coaches, friends, and a lot of research, I worked through my late-life crisis by finding a purpose for living. One obvious result of that journey is this newsletter about positive aging. I want to share what I have learned with those who are on similar journeys, in hopes that they, too, can find lives of meaning and purpose.
A new book directly addresses finding purpose late in life. Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Old? The Path of Purposeful Aging, by Richard J. Leider and David Shapiro, suggests that purpose is “something we unlock by going inside.” The voyage of discovery is figuring out “what we stand for, what we won’t stand for, and who stands with us.”
Being True to Yourself
Always, the authors say, our purpose is closely tied to “something that we love to do and enjoy doing with others, that we feel passionate and care deeply about, and that we feel fits our values and the way we prefer to live and work in the world. Our purpose will always express our true gifts, passions, and values for the sake of others – no exceptions.”
Having a purpose makes all the difference in whether we live our last years feeling content or feeling empty. Many of us spent our adult years living what the authors call “the default life” – doing what was expected of us without giving it a lot of thought. Once we reach the end of the adulting stage, most things we did by default aren’t ours to do anymore. Work is over, parenting is over, maybe our favorite recreational activities are over. So now what?
But the later years are also the perfect opportunity to find our reason for being. “We have a greater freedom than ever before to finally become the person we always felt we were meant to be,” Leider and Shapiro write.
Sainthood Not Required
Your purpose doesn’t have to be grand enough to place you on the short list for sainthood. Solving world hunger or bringing about world peace are a bit of a stretch. What purpose does mean, the authors say, is living in the present moment, reflecting honestly about who you truly are, what you love to do, and how you can bring your gifts to serve others. It is, they say, a spiritual activity.
For a number of years I have been saying a daily affirmation: I want to work with words in ways that give lives meaning and purpose. This year, I found the activity that fulfills my statement of purpose. I’m doing activities I love – writing, bloviating, talking to interesting people, learning new things – in an effort to share my discoveries with my peers.
What’s your purpose? If you’re not sure, Leider and Shapiro’s book is an excellent place to begin, or continue, your journey.
Your Take
Let’s talk about it: Have you experienced late-life crisis? How did you navigate your way out? And if you have found a purpose, please share it with this community of readers.
Don’s post is wistful and sweet. He and I were classmates in the days before Search Engine Optimization and “smart phones” (Really? How can a phone have cognitive ability?).
Maturity is a time of synthesis of things past, present, and future. Don’s has focused on integrating elements of our collective and personal histories through his writing. Mine has explored new areas of service as a pediatrician moving in concentric circles from one specialty into another.
To me, the key concept is philosophical: not so much what we do, but how we view ourselves and our world. The rich essence of being defines us beyond any material contribution.
Not to sound overtly spiritual, but I found that if I take my eyes off of all of the circumstances around me that make me feel "insignificant", and know that God has created us in His image, I can enjoy life more by enjoying Him more. :-)