Are You Doing Too Much, or Not Enough?
A cautionary tale from my so-called retirement.
I could hardly wait to begin retirement. My experiences in the world of work had not left me wanting more of the same. I had managed to take my career path from a straight, upward ascent to a series of switchbacks, loop-de-loops, and off-the-road excursions that found me middle-aged and terminally unemployable. With no other alternatives, I went into self-employment, eking out a modest living writing for others.
As soon as I turned 66, the magic age that qualified me for full Social Security benefits, I transitioned from self-employed to self-retired, prepared to kiss work goodbye and enjoy my newfound freedom and leisure. My plan was to write novels, an ambition I had been nursing since I was 8 years old.
Let’s just say retirement didn’t work out as planned.
Exhilaration and Guilt
Yes, I did complete two novels. I think they’re pretty good, though I have yet to find an agent or publisher who agrees. Worse, I couldn’t help feeling that having fun with fiction wasn’t enough. I felt guilty for enjoying myself while my wife still worked 50 hours a week and provided 80% of our household income.
The guilt lessened slightly after I got involved in a nonprofit organization that was on life support. I became its board chair and for three years I devoted 25 to 30 hours weekly to keeping it viable. This didn’t add to the household income, but at least I felt I was making some kind of contribution to the world at large. The combination of civic duty and fiction writing seemed to offer a fair balance.
Then, as I was stepping back from the nonprofit, I found a writing coach whose good counsel steered me in the direction of writing for my peers. The EndGame was the result, starting as a free weekly email post, then expanded to include a biweekly podcast and, for paid subscribers, an additional biweekly news bulletin and quarterly online workshops. Future plans include online seminars and a book.
All very exciting, but now I have the opposite problem: I suddenly feel overwhelmed! From having not enough to do, I have created so much activity that I feel imprisoned by my own self-made deadlines. How can I ever take a vacation with all this content I’ve promised? Once again, the right balance has eluded me.
If you’ve been following this ramble so far, hoping against hope that it would eventually make a point, your patience is appreciated and will now be rewarded. My point is this: I entered retirement with the wrong expectations.
I knew my retirement would not consist of golfing or beachcombing or drinking pina coladas at noon, but I did believe that it would be like an endless summer vacation - I would enjoy my own pursuits while happily watching the world go by without me.
False Expectations
If that sounds familiar, maybe it’s because it’s the image of retirement living painted by popular movies and television programs and - most significantly - by commercials for miracle drugs (“Ask your doctor about...”) that will cure your ills and have you beaming like the Cheshire cat in no time! The reality for me – and for most of us, I suspect – is different. We may be tired of working for others, but we’re not content to find ourselves irrelevant, marginalized, or forgotten. We get envious of others who have something to do. We get lonely.
My expectations of retirement were wrong. That was part of the problem.
But the more I read and reflect, the more I have come to believe that our concept of retirement is also to blame. I will have more to say about that next week.
Next Week: What’s Wrong with Retirement?
So true--every word! I think we should be proud of our ability to create an almost over-full post-career career propelled by personal will and ingenuity. I'm pleased to find myself nearly over-extended, as I asked for it, didn't I? And nobody else made it happen for me.
Friends have told me that their friends dreamed about golfing all day every day. After two weeks all they had to say about golfing is that, while boring, it did kill lots of time. So is retirement about killing time, I ask? And I answer, sometimes. So what am I doing with retirement in a new community with my grands close by but a million miles from deep connections made in a community over 35+ years? Well, I'm staying closer, by phone, with family; trying to make new friends; and accepting that I'll never make old friends again. Much to my surprise, I discovered that reconnecting with people from my long ago past is rewarding. A friend from my days in elementary school. My date to the junior prom in high school, who I forgot, but was reminded!, she was my date. Numerous friends from college. That's all the farther I've gotten thus far. I'm glad I made the effort and am grateful for the old, new connections. . . .